Ferris wheels are uniquely human. We use the power of mechanical invention to create something that will simply take us around and around in the confines of a small carriage. Unless built extremely poorly, where every crank around has bumps and falls due to the missing bolts, Ferris wheels provide very little thrill. Slow moving, stopping frequently… yet we pay to ride them anyways! Allowing them to become iconic of carnivals and pier attractions. They’re very bizarre and I’m pretty sure no other creature does something quite like it.
It’s been what… 21 years since I’ve heard a new Christmas carol? And growing up in San Diego, about .00001% of them applied to me and my festive experience.
The fact is, delusion is rampant for Southern Californians who sing about a white Christmas while tanning their cheeks in banana hammocks on the beach.
“Just hear those sleigh bells jing-a-ling-ling-ling-ling…” Everyone would sing in my elementary school classes. I’d look around… Has everyone gone mad here? I don’t hear any sleigh bells. It’s 80 degrees out and I’m wearing my Limited Too halter-top in December. Most of us wouldn’t know a sleigh bell from the gong at Stir Fresh.
Not to mention it’s October when the tunes come rollin’ out on the radio, and they blare until the day before Christmas. I can only hear so many versions of “Jingle Bells” renditions before I want to blast my ears off with a snowblower. Maybe there’s something to be said about the American obsession with playing bad songs over and over again (see: American Top 40).
Side note: the day I realized what the lyrics of “Santa Baby” meant was a traumatic one. And isn’t it a little strange that we sing about a child discovering the infidelity committed between his mother and a fantasy man older than his grandpa in “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?” Where’s daddy in the picture? I know a gold digger when I hear about one.
Side note: I learned how to determine the difference between “sleigh” and “slay” at a young age. When my fellow classmates would write “Santa’s Slay” on their Christmas art project, my mind immediately conjured up this (see below) image which also happens to be quite traumatic.
There’s only a few good things about Christmas
Wow, what a roller coaster this past month has been for me.
I presently have absolutely no time to devote to anything remotely creative — as I’m slowly and painfully discovering — but I’m willing to throw out a quick update in train-of-thought word-puke form.
First, the most painful update: I did not get accepted into TFA.